watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
