Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
