I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
