Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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