I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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