the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
