You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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