my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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