I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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