I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
