i jhust puked up my retainher.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
