buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
