my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
