I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Found the puke drawer
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
