I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I need a burrito and a hug.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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