Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
