I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Randomize
