I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
