im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
