Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
