i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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