Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
