If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
