weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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