is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
