Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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