and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
