I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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