i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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