U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
