The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
