Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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