WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
