hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
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