just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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