She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
