Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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