Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
