I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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