Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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