Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
