her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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