fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
wanna go halves on a baby?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
