please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
