My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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