I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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