i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
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