I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
