you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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