Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We have started to decorate penises.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
