Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
