Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
