I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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