in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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