i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
