Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
