I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
